Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i now understand why vodka
We are all done wearing pants today
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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