She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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