I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
