Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
