I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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