Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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