how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Boobs are out for the taking
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
