just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
