And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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