I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
