First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I had to cum in my sink.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
