I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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