He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
