never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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