My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
