He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
