After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
