I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
