This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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