She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
