she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
