I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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