If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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