I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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