Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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