i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
