Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
