Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
