I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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