He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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