I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
