On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
