it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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