who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
