You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
