I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
