We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
