I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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