This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
