When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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