why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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