She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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