Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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