In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hate all girls vehemently.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
