I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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