She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
