guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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