dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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