I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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