does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..