peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz