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toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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