so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro