New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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