just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
