so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
not ubering you a puppy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
