I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
