the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
