all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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