Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
