I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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