Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
