so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
