Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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