We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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