there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
