Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
