Plan B is the new Plan A
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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