my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize