I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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